I'm back to rainy and cold Switzerland! My flight home was depressing, I nearly cried at Incheon airport after my two favourite Koreans came to see me off and when I arrived in Switzerland and suddenly I couldn't hear any people speaking Korean anymore it hit me hard... and I sighed deeply.
Right now I've hit rock bottom for the second time.
My first time was after returning from my 1 year study experience in Beijing I was able to do because of a Chinese governmental scholarship. I was broken-hearted, missing my life in Asia and had no money. I knew there was no "home" to return to because in the meantime my father had left our old apartment and moved in with his girlfriend. All my childhood memories and other belongings where stored in big plastic bags in a dirty basement. The first few weeks I didn't have any place to sleep and so I stayed at my father's working place with toilet but no bathroom, washing myself standing in front of the water tap. Later, when I was sharing a flat with an elderly lady (temporary hiding place) I sometimes had to choose if I wanted to eat dinner of buy a bus ticket to my university. My pocket money didn't allow spending more than a few bucks a day but without any family cooking for me my biggest priority was food. Despite my laziness I started to walk to university. Luckily I only lived about 30 minutes from there but still, it was a food - comfort decision I had to make. This went on for about 2-3 months until it slowly started to get better.
Now my second time: I just came back from a 3 year study experience in Seoul. Right before leaving I had broken up with my longterm boyfriend, quickly put all my belongings in moving cartons (and throwing away lots of stuff in the process!) and transfered them to my mother's place. Means: I moved out of my beloved and super beautiful apartment. One day before my flight to Korea I also lost my job for very stupid reasons (I didn't do anything wrong, they were "cleaning out" and I was just a part-timer anyway). So within 2 weeks I lost boyfriend, apartment and job. Ah, I also got sick because of the stress, by the way. With all these losses I had to face a new orientation in my life. But at that moment I just packed my luggage and flew off to Korea where I fully concentrated on studying Korean and enjoying my time there. I got nearly straight A's in my Korean language course. I met most of my Korean friends. I spend wonderful moments in Seoul. But now I'm back, living at my mother's place, sleeping on her couch because there's no space and all the insecurities, my stored carton memories and the need for a new job and life started haunting me again. Plus the jet lag and climate change.
But this entry shall not be depressing!
The first rock bottom (existential) experience taught me a lot about life and finances, I also learned to appreciate simple things and frugality. A few months later I met my now-exgong and we started a super-loving relationship which lasted for nearly 5 years. I feel like I matured a lot in that short span after China and before entering the relationship and getting spoiled by exgong.
I'm sure this second rock bottom (quarterlife crisis) experience will also teach me a lot and I might laugh about this situation someday. Right now the only thing that is still keeping my in Switzerland are my still-unfinished university studies. It sucks, because after losing everything else I am sure, if I had also graduated university I'd have left to Asia for good. Or at least for one year. For a fresh new start. But unfortunately I'm still kept in this country will all my memories. Ah, the Fernweh I keep feeling while in Switzerland! But I will do my best this last year and fulfill my big dream:
Ever since the last few days I've been evaluating a new life-changing project and all the preparations I might need for it to succeed. The more I think I about it the more I feel motivated and full of energy.
I think I'm on the right track and I can't wait to tell everyone about it... though, of course, I might fail. But what can I lose? I will try hard to reach my goal and keep you updated (and maybe inspired) with my motivation and purpose! I will reveal my big project soon ~ =P
Have you experienced a difficult situation? What lesson did it teach you?
...and for everyone who is experiencing a hard situation right now, read this!
Have you experienced a difficult situation? What lesson did it teach you?
...and for everyone who is experiencing a hard situation right now, read this!